Month: September 2021

When closeness binds: The enmeshment/ undeveloped self schema

“What is required of you to maintain your closeness?” is a question I often ask clients who describe a very close relationship with someone. Closeness can be highly valued and feel snuggly and protective. But it often requires compliance of some kind to be maintained, limits to relationships outside of the family, feeling unable to …

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Something bad will happen: the vulnerability to harm or illness schema

Most commonly seen in people with anxiety , the vulnerability to harm and illness schema fills you with constant worry and fear about a range of things that could go wrong. Typically people with the vulnerability to harm and illness schema focus on fear about illness, safety of themselves. This schema whispers: “what if it’s not a …

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I’m weird and I don’t belong: the social isolation/ alienation schema

Do you feel like you don’t fit in, that other people don’t warm to you? Do you tend to assume that you are weird and so different that you won’t be welcomed into a group? Or that you don’t belong anywhere? The social isolation/ alienation schema is very common and develops out of a number of circumstances. …

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When you believe you’re unworthy: the defectiveness/ shame schema

Do you worry that you are bad or unworthy? Or that others won’t enjoy spending time with you? Do you often find yourself prickling with shame? Do you notice thoughts like “I am worthless” or “I’m stupid” or “ there’s something really wrong with me”? The defectiveness/ shame schema is a very common pattern. This …

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When you can’t let your guard down: the mistrust & abuse schema

I recently watched This is Paris, a documentary about Paris Hilton now showing on YouTube. It’s a fascinating and sad story about what drives Paris Hilton to be the person she is. Paris is mostly know as an Uber famous glamour girl and extremely wealthy business woman but she also has a history of childhood …

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When you don’t know what you’re missing: emotional deprivation schema

Do you every feel lonely, empty or emotionally separate to others, even when you’re with people? Do you tend to focus on others, leaving other people seeing you as strong and having few needs? Or do you struggle to identify your own emotional needs? Maybe you even think you don’t have emotional needs and tell yourself “I’m …

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What is a Schema in Schema Therapy? The 18 maladaptive early schemas.

Schemas form based on an interaction between our inborn temperament and childhood experiences, especially unmet core emotional needs. Schemas form the basis for life long patterns that we re-enact when our schemas are triggered. A schema is a combination of a belief, memories, physical sensations and emotions. It is the combination of those things that …

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