In modern parenting, parents often think about how to meet their child’s emotional needs. But how often do we consider our emotional needs as adults or whether our core emotional needs were met sufficiently by our caretakers when we were children? Many of us may not even be in contact with what our core emotional …
Learning how to identify what you need emotionally can be hard. Especially if you have been cut off or dissociated from your needs for a long time. This is often the case when we have been using our coping modes a lot or all of the time. If you find knowing what you need hard, I recommend you make …
What does little you need? Learning to take care of your vulnerable part. Read More »
Overcontroller is a label used to explain some of the overcompensation coping modes in schema therapy. When you are in an overcompensation mode you act, think and feel like the opposite of your schemas are true. Overcompensation modes serve to make you feel less vulnerable to whatever pain is in your vulnerable child mode and …
Making sense of the overcontroller modes in schema therapy Read More »
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is often cited as the gold standard treatment for many psychological difficulties, mostly because of the number of research studies demonstrating its effectiveness. It is a “here and now approach” that focuses on how to improve your mental health now and prides itself in not focusing on the past. It tends …
When your schemas activate, it can feel very painful and overwhelming. Often the inner critic joins in as well, making things even more overwhelming. For this reason, a coping mode forms to prevent you from coming into contact with your schemas and critic mode. In schema therapy, a mode is a label for a part …
Do you believe people should be punished for their mistakes, no matter how small? Do you say things like “I’m only mean to people who deserve it?” Are you known to judge people harshly for their mistakes? Are you often angry and impatient with people who don’t meet your expectations? Do you struggle to forgive …
Recently I watched Ted Lasso, a wonderfully funny TV series. Ted, American and the ever optimistic coach, is horrified when he comes across the saying “It’s the hope that kills” in the local British football community. The belief “It’s the hope that kills you” is a beautiful example of the type of thinking common to …
The negativity pessimism schema. It’s the hope that kills you. Read More »
Do you tend to be rational at all times? Do you struggle to be spontaneous, silly, and in the moment? Do you rarely express feelings? Do you inhibit one emotion altogether? When you have the emotional inhibition schema you struggle to express your authentic feelings. This schema develops in childhood usually to avoid punishment or …
What’s the point of feelings? The emotional inhibition schema Read More »
Do you feel under pressure to do things to a high standard but are rarely satisfied with the outcome? Do you find fault in nearly everything you do? Do your accomplishments fail to give you a sense of achievement or pleasure and instead you are looking to the next target? Or perhaps you find it …
Unrelenting standards schema: when good enough isn’t enough Read More »
If you have the insufficient self-control/ self-discipline schema it can at times be a lot of fun but it also can wreak havoc on all aspects of your life. You may also recognize it as difficulty staying on task, a mind that moves rapidly from one topic to the next or as my yoga teachers call it …
I’m so impulsive: Insufficient self-control/self-discipline Read More »
