When your schemas activate, it can feel very painful and overwhelming. Often the inner critic joins in as well, making things even more overwhelming. For this reason, a coping mode forms to prevent you from coming into contact with your schemas and critic mode. In schema therapy, a mode is a label for a part …
Do you believe people should be punished for their mistakes, no matter how small? Do you say things like “I’m only mean to people who deserve it?” Are you known to judge people harshly for their mistakes? Are you often angry and impatient with people who don’t meet your expectations? Do you struggle to forgive …
Recently I watched Ted Lasso, a wonderfully funny TV series. Ted, American and the ever optimistic coach, is horrified when he comes across the saying “It’s the hope that kills” in the local British football community. The belief “It’s the hope that kills you” is a beautiful example of the type of thinking common to …
The negativity pessimism schema. It’s the hope that kills you. Read More »
Do you tend to be rational at all times? Do you struggle to be spontaneous, silly, and in the moment? Do you rarely express feelings? Do you inhibit one emotion altogether? When you have the emotional inhibition schema you struggle to express your authentic feelings. This schema develops in childhood usually to avoid punishment or …
What’s the point of feelings? The emotional inhibition schema Read More »
Do you feel under pressure to do things to a high standard but are rarely satisfied with the outcome? Do you find fault in nearly everything you do? Do your accomplishments fail to give you a sense of achievement or pleasure and instead you are looking to the next target? Or perhaps you find it …
Unrelenting standards schema: when good enough isn’t enough Read More »
If you have the insufficient self-control/ self-discipline schema it can at times be a lot of fun but it also can wreak havoc on all aspects of your life. You may also recognize it as difficulty staying on task, a mind that moves rapidly from one topic to the next or as my yoga teachers call it …
I’m so impulsive: Insufficient self-control/self-discipline Read More »
Do you often think the rules don’t apply to you? When you are told no do you repeatedly push or try to convince or manipulate others to get a yes? Do you tend to think you are always right and rarely wrong? Have you been told you are controlling or domineering? Do you think you …
I’m special and the rules don’t apply.The entitlement schema Read More »
Many people with a self-sacrifice schema have childhoods that strongly encouraged self-sacrifice including religious beliefs that over value self-sacrifice. Women are very often taught that being a good woman means overdoing for others at the expense of self. This is a pattern that is expected of women by our culture and is highly promoted as a virtue. …
Self-sacrifice: a pathway to resentment and burnout. Read More »
Before anyone goes into a shame attack, people-pleasing is very common. As children, we can be subtlely or overtly taught that keeping others happy is important and it is risky to upset an adult caregiver whether that be a parent, family member or teacher. Our families might even have had a “don’t upset the parent …
The problem with people pleasing: the subjugation schema Read More »
Do you find yourself always wanting to make a good impression on others? Do you try to do what you think others will think is cool or will be appreciated by other people? Maybe you spend a lot of time making sure you do the latest hobbies, focusing on your social standing, making sure you …
When you crave the approval of others: the approval seeking recognition schema Read More »
